Thailand country guide

angkok was once the tourist hub of Asia. Before the advent of Hotmail, punters learned through word-of-mouth and the Lonely Planet of this tropical paradise with chilled-out Buddhists, idyllic beaches, and women keen to 'ass up' for foreign cash. Today, the entire country is in political turmoil, prices are rising, and only the worst kinds of tourists (pub wankers, sexpats, addicts, etc) seem to still be flocking here.
Check just a sampling of the tourist carnage:

• 2006: armed robber shoots a Canadian husband & wife celebrating Christmas with their kids in Bangkok.
• 2006: two fishermen rape and murder a British tourist on Ko Samui.
• 2007: Israeli male murdered, English and Canadian girl drugged and raped at Ko Pha Ngan Full Moon Parties.
• 2008: Indian tourist stabbed to death on Ko Pha Ngan, Swedish tourist murdered in a foiled rape attempt on Ko Samui.

Disclaimer: the above does not apply to 5-star spenders tucked safely within secured compounds.

A positive spin on Bangkok

Bangkok is a short flight away from most of Asia's top tourism spots (2 hours to India, 2 hours to China, 1.5 hours to Nepal, etc), and flights out of the country are cheap. As well, the tourist infrastructure is excellent. Travel agents and money changers are everywhere, and the sheer number of food, lodging, and entertainment options is astounding.

This city has been built for tourists.

And yet, we cannot recommend it with enthusiasm.

Lack of mojo?

Thailand has been through a lot over the past decade: a financial meltdown in 1998, a devastating tsunami in 2004, and a military coup in 2006, which resulted in political chaos that has not yet abated.

On the ground, PAzine has detected a depressing "pay your money and then get the fuck out" vibe about most tourist-oriented sights and Thai run businesses (hotels and restaurants).

We can't really blame the locals. While a depressed economy and political woes are a factor, another is the impression that some visitors make here. A lot come for sex, many others for vacations where they can "let loose" and blow off steam. One type is seedy and the other self-absorbed, and there are plenty of both all over town.

If PAzine had to deal with the farang that come here on a daily basis -- for a pittance -- we'd get jaded, too.

Summation

Bangkok is an easy city to travel in, and the tourist infrastructure is excellent. While there's not a lot of authentic hospitality in the air, there are plentiful shopping options, and too many eating and drinking establishments to list.

For sex tourists, Bangkok is paradise, with thousands of girls willing to give you anything you desire in go-go bars, by-the-hour hotels, massage parlors, noodle shacks, dumpsters, etc. Even better, the locals will not treat you like a sick and twisted deviant (although foreign tourists often will).

For those with money, Bangkok is like Disneyland. 5-star hotels dominate the main intersections downtown, while most prominent streets are high-end, upscale shopping areas. Best of all, everyone will call you "sir", and your ass will be kissed by man, woman, and beast.

For all others, we suggest checking out Bangkok for a couple of days at least (the Bangkok vibe is something you'll never forget, for better or worse) before moving on to somewhere more fruitful.

Orientation

Almost all of the tourist places in Bangkok are located east of the Chao Phraya River. On the map, the areas in red (Khao San, Sukhumvit, and Silom) are the main tourist hubs. Each area is dense with hotels, restaurants, and tourist-oriented shops.
Let's break down the info contained in the map: 

Tourist hubs

• Khao San Road: Bangkok's tourist ghetto accommodates the frugal with a wide selection of cheap guesthouses (100-800 baht) and entertainment options (mainly seated drinking, although there are a few dance clubs). For more info, check out our Khao San report.
  
  The surrounding area of Banglamphu is part of "Old Bangkok", which includes Chinatown and numerous temple-ish sightseeing spots (Wat Pho etc).


• Sukhumvit Road: this is Bangkok's modern commercial core, with lots of shops, 5-star hotels, restaurants, and "lady bars". Tons of sexpats hang here, and Sois Nana, Cowboy, and #22 are are packed with bars that accommodate horny desires.
  
  Briefly, Soi 22 has sit-down bars (quiet drinks with a choice of lasses), Soi Nana has those plus go-go bars (raucous nude dance shows), while Soi Cowboy is more up-tempo with a heavier concentration of go-gos.
  
  The quality of tourist amenities on the Sukhumvit strip is much higher than on Khao San, but Sukhumvit is more congested, noisier, and it has a seedier feel.


• Silom Road: Bangkok's financial district used to be the premier place to stay and party, but it's pretty grotty these days. Patpong bars have a really creepy vibe, and scams are common. Oh yeah, Bangkok's gay district is also on Silom, if that's your thing.

Shopping

There are a million places to shop in Bangkok -- all over the city, you'll find everything from roadside vendors hawking t-shirts to gleaming mega-malls dealing in international luxury brands.

Your best bet for shopping, in our opinion, is to stick around the Siam Square area, as the cluster of retails delights is the densest in town. Here are the hubs:

MBK mall

This huge space features 2,000 shops that sell very cheap clothing, leather products, and all kinds of electronics. Be sure to check out the fourth floor, which is dedicated to mobile phones, knockoff DVDs and CD's, and all kinds of gadgets.

Location: National Stadium Skytrain Station. To get to MBK from Khao San Road, take the #48 bus.

Siam Paragon mall

USD$375 million was poured into this five-floor complex featuring 500,000 meters of retail shopping space. The focus here is on luxury brands: Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Dior, Versace, etc. They also have 80 upscale restaurants, a Beauty Hall, a Shoes and Bags Salon, and Accessories Bazaar. Bizarre…

Location: Siam Square. 

Central World mall

It’s got 500 stores, 50 restaurants, 21 cinemas, a bowling alley, two department stores, the largest supermarket in Asia, and a zillion gigawatt flux capacitor on the roof.

In our opinion, the best thing about Central World is the Asus computer shop on the fourth floor. They offer free unlimited Internet, and will even serve you coffee while you surf.

Location: take the Skytrain to Chitlom Station and walk along the main street for 100 meters.

Chatuchak Weekend Market

This is the only market you'll ever need to visit in Bangkok. Spread over 35 acres, it's packed with 15,000+ stalls that attract an average of 200,000 visitors every weekend. Bloody madness! It’s got everything from sausages to woodcarvings to Thai silk to caged orangutans. Seriously.

The crowds are thick, the elbows sharp, and the atmosphere chaotic. Areas are marked out in colored zones, with clothing and fashion items grouped together, a section for household goods, and separate zones for crafts, pets, arts and collectables, plants, wholesale items, and (of course) a massive snack perimeter.

Location: take the Skytrain to Mo Chit Station (30 min. north of Siam Square) and follow the signs.

Temples

If temples are your thing, the easiest way to see a bunch is to take a river taxi from the Khao San Road area heading south -- there are a bunch of attractions along the banks.

Here are the highlights:

Wat Pho

This is the largest temple in Bangkok, and is famed for its huge reclining Buddha. It’s also a good place to get an authentic Thai massage (120 baht for 30 minutes). In our opinion, the Buddha statues here are nice and all, but the best part of visiting this temple is its tranquil vibe. Look out for the stone courtyard with an artificial waterfall/pool in the center (bodhi trees overlook the waterfall, and large black fish live in the pool). That spot is so peaceful, we could sit there for hours. Wat Pho is located about one kilometer from the Grand Palace. You can walk to there from Khao San Road in about thirty minutes.

Wat Phra Kaew

Also known as the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, this is regarded as the most important Buddhist temple in Thailand. Located within the walls of the Grand Palace, it features a highly revered Buddha image carved from a single block of jade. Other attractions include a model of Angkor Wat, and a series of murals that tell the Ramayana epic in its entirety. Personal audio guides are available in English, French, German, Japanese, Mandarin Russian, and Spanish, and admission is 125 baht.

Wat Arun

One of Bangkok's most famous landmarks, this temple has an imposing 70-meter spire that is decorated with tiny pieces of colored glass and Chinese porcelain laid in intricate patterns. There is not much to do here other than gawk, unfortunately. From Khao San Road, it will take you about 15 minutes to reach in a river taxi.

This is pretty much the only tourist attraction on the west side of the river.

Logistics

Arriving in Bangkok

Although it is possible to reach Bangkok overland (via rail/bus from Malaysia, or bus from Cambodia and Laos), most people fly in from overseas.

Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi Airport opened in September, 2006. There is only one terminal building. It covers both domestic and international flights, but it's huge, so allow time for getting around.

Getting from airport to city

By taxi

Limousine taxis (which charge by distance, e.g. around 800 baht to central Sukhumvit) can be reserved at the limousine hire counter on the 2nd floor, and a limited number of ordinary metered taxis are available outside the exit on the 1st floor.

If you take a regular (non-limo) taxi, expect to pay around 3-400 baht (plus a highway toll) for a 40-60 minute drive (depending on traffic).

By express bus

Buses depart outside the first floor exit and charge a flat 150 baht. There are 4 different routes that go to all the main spots. The ride generally takes between 60-90 minutes.

Getting around the city

Long-distance domestic travel

Train

Of Bangkok’s three main stations, chances are you’ll only ever use Hualampong Station. Located in the middle of the downtown core, this place is foreigner-friendly and very well run. Popular routes include Chiang Mai to the north and Penang, Kuala Lumpur, and Singapore the other way.

Bus

Bangkok's three official bus terminals are:

• Eastern Bus Terminal: also known as Ekamai, this compact terminal is located right next to the Ekamai BTS station on Sukhumvit. This station serves Eastern destinations, such as Pattaya, Ban Phe (Ko Samet), Chanthanburi, and Trat.


• Northern Bus Terminal: also known as Mo Chit, Mochit, this is Bangkok’s largest, busiest, and most modern terminal. The upper floor serves the northeast (Issan), while the ground floor sends most buses north towards Chiang Mai.


• Southern Bus Terminal: this station (aka Sai Tai Mai) is old, cavernous, and chaotic. Long distance buses depart from here for Krabi, Phuket, Surat Thani, Hat Yai, etc. First-class tickets are sold in the circular building in the center, while there’s a KFC just north of the terminal entrance that has air-con and clean toilets.

If you've never been to Asia before, Bangkok can probably serves as a good introduction, but...

Conclusion

Meh. Bangkok is an acceptable place to kill a few days, but unless you're a sexpat, there isn't really much to do here other than eat, drink, and shop.

If you've never been to Asia before, Bangkok can probably serves as a good introduction, but once you've got a sense of that, you're better off getting out of town -- fast.

Go somewhere proper to spend your precious vacation time, and use Bangkok only as a travel hub.