Thailand country guide

or some, Pattaya is the ultimate weekend getaway, with tons of upscale hotels, a wealth of diversions, and a staggering amount of fine dining options.

For others, it's one of the freest places on earth for public pervs – raw hot sex, done any way you want, with absolutely no questions asked. Of course, this assumes that you've got at least a grand to blow on diseased, conniving village girl pie. The market must be strong, because every single month of the year, tens of thousands of men come here, intending to purchase sex.

For the less "street-wise", Walking Street on a Saturday night would probably seem dangerous, as between the whores are scores of international hoodlums: Chinese, Russian, German, English, and Thai mafias pimping, extorting, and peddling as legions of drunken sexpats look for love in all the wrong places.

In recent years the government has tried to do with this former fishing village what America has done with Las Vegas -- make it family-friendly.

While nasty nightlife remains a cash cow, many developers have quietly built upscale, self-contained resorts outside town for rich people.

Apart from shopping (upscale malls peddle suits, silk, woodcarving, and knick-knacks), there are all kinds of la-dee-da activities including water sports, golfing, horseback riding, and bungee jumping. Ugh.

In this context, Pattaya is unique: while is sure is a place to buy raw sex, it's also a playground for the super-rich. On the fringe parts of town where the two worlds collide, this reality makes for excellent "people watching".

Beaches

Pattaya Beach (the main one) has been ruined by rampant overdevelopment and pollution.

Better options are to the south: Jomtien Beach is relatively clean (30% less raw sewage!), while the island of Ko Larn (30 minutes away by boat) offers miles of decent white sand and reasonably decent water.

However, if beaches are your thing, Pattaya should be last on your list. This town is about the fulfillment of desires. If you’re looking to bang broads, stuff your face, indulge in drugs, and get disgustingly drunk, Pattaya is the place to be. If you're looking for sun and sand, it isn't.

Orientation

There are three main roads in the city. Directly adjacent Pattaya Beach is Beach Road, a one-way drive that goes from north to south. 100 meters to the east is Second Road, which takes the bulk of traffic south to north. The third major thoroughfare is Sukhumvit Road, an extension of the highway that leads to Bangkok.

Between Beach Road and Second Road are a number of sois (small streets) that are numbered in ascending order from north to south. On the eastern side of Sukhumvit Road, there are country clubs, golf courses, and a scattering of Thai villages. Beach Road (south of South Pattaya Road) is closed to vehicles in the evenings and is popularly known as Walking Street. This is the main tourist area.

Other major tourism areas include the section of Second Road between sois 1-4, and the sois immediately north of South Pattaya Road.

Getting Around

There are no tuk-tuks in Pattaya. Instead, public transport is handled by a flotilla of roughly 700 dark blue songthaews (pickup truck share-taxis). The "official" fare is five baht for trips within Pattaya, but that’s only for Thais – foreigners must pay double.

The easiest place to catch a lift is along the beach circuit: from the junction of Second Road and South Pattaya Road, north along Second Road to the Dolphin Circle roundabout; south along the full length of Beach Road; and then briefly east along South Pattaya Road to complete the loop. 24 hours a day, you will wait less than a minute before a songthaew trundles by.

Tourist stuff

Accommodation

Pattaya has an extensive selection of mid-range and up-market options. Basic rooms (most with a double bed, air-con, cable TV, and refrigerator) start from 400 baht/day to 6000 baht/month. For families or small groups, we suggest heading over to Jomiten, where three bedroom bungalows can be had for around 1700 baht/day, or 30,000 baht/month. Prices fluctuate depending on the season. Typically, they're highest during the Christmas-New Years period, and lowest in February, October, and November.

Food and Shopping

There is a lot of stuff to eat. Meals range from 20 baht for street grub to 1000 baht for a thick steak in trendy digs. Just walk around the main streets and follow your desires.

As for shopping, you won’t be able to swing a dead hooker without hitting a mall or shop. If that's your scene, knock yourself out.

Bars

There are more than 3000 beer bars and go-go bars in Pattaya. Beer bars are for chatting, while go-go bars feature live shows. The biggest concentration is around Sois 7 & 8, along Walking Street, and at numerous points on Second Road and Beach Road. Pretty much every female in every bar is open to having sex for money, and seedier joints even have "short-time" back rooms for rent.

The mafia

Apart from the thriving sex trade, Pattaya is a big drug town, with heroin, ice (crystal meth), ecstasy, and low-grade weed being openly peddled on the streets. Who controls the sex and drug trades? In times past, the Thai mafia ruled the roost, but these days, scum from all over pull schemes here.

Conclusion

Assuming you're not into whoring or depravity, you'll find this to be an extremely dirty place, filled with all kinds of sick and twisted people.

Apart from the legions of dazed-looking old men with young girls patrolling the lanes, you’ll be accosted by transvestites on the beach, get swarmed by weather-beaten whores along Walking Street, and meet all kinds of belligerent western punks in the bars.

We suggest going once, just to see how low our species has really sunk.